After a good birth experience, Hope didn't feel the explosion of phenomenal joy she had expected.

Written testimony

And so, I gave birth, and as I was giving birth, last Halloween actually, after trick or treating, I was like – I’m pretty knowledgeable about birth. And especially natural birth and physiological birth, and I had you know, given birth naturally with my first, I trained as a doula, attended a bunch of births and I’m a huge reader on birth and all that. So, I have these images of women standing up with like basically their pelvis, you know, the baby coming pout and their vulva opening and stuff like this.

I was hanging off of my husband’s neck, and [my daughter] was basically coming out, I didn’t even really, I didn’t have to push her, there was no tearing nothing, but I felt outside of my body. I felt I was looking at my body opening up, I felt I was outside looking, and that was weird. And then as soon as I had given birth, thank goodness, you know, like I had my doula who was like, just chill out, you know, like just you know, it was dark and your instinct is to grab your baby sometimes. But is that because you actually want to, or is that because you feel like you have to, you know. And so, I just paused and just try to like process the fact that I just had a baby here, and this baby is mine. And I didn’t feel the attachment, I did not feel the explosion of phenomenal joy as I did with my first baby, and it scared me, really it scared me, but I was okay. And I knew what the healthy behaviours are to promote bonding and I knew what the baby needed and all that and what I needed.

So you know, the evening continued and a lot of skin to skin and latching on and all of this, but I had, that night after I gave birth, probably two three hours after I gave birth, I had my first intrusive thought.

---

Go back

More content

• Seeking Help and Getting Diagnosis – Hope
  The intrusive thoughts made Hope scared to ask for help as she feared her baby might be taken away.
• Work, Finances and Mental Health – Hope
  Although it was financially challenging Hope extended her maternity leave because she felt she missed out on the first three months with her child.
• Relationships – Hope
  When Hope shared her worries with her husband that he might hurt the children, he accompanied her to find help.
• Support from Family and Friends – Hope
  Hope is thankful for having a supportive husband.
• Bonding – Hope
  Sometimes, the bond needed a little encouragement, and Hope believes that cuddling and skin-to-skin contact can strengthen that connection with the baby.
• Bonding – Hope
  With her second baby, Hope didn't feel an immediate explosion of joy after birth, and a few hours later, she experienced her first intrusive thought.
• Coping with Feeding – Hope
  Continuing breastfeeding, despite the challenges, helped Hope move past the postpartum period.
• Symptoms – Hope
  It was a huge relief for Hope when her doctor reassured her that intrusive thoughts can be normal and are treatable.
• Birth Experience and Mental Health – Hope
  After a good birth experience, Hope didn't feel the explosion of phenomenal joy she had expected.
• Before and During Pregnancy – Hope
  The first fear Hope experienced when she heard she was pregnant was that she then had to get off her medications.